Abhishree's POV

It had been two months since we have been married.

If making love to your husband every alternate night means that life was fine then everything was fine in my life.

Raunak ji has never failed to express his love and feelings for me. He is very romantic but I feel like he is wasting his love on someone who isn't capable of loving.

Almost every weekend he takes me out somewhere or does something special for me.

Once we went to watch a movie, the other time it was simply dinner outside. Another time we went to my parent's house.

I was so happy to see them. I hugged mumma and cried. She asked me if I was not happy.

I shook my head and smiled.

I was happy. Raunak ji gave me everything I wanted. I should be happy, right?

But I miss the life I had before. I cannot be a woman. Sometimes I stand under the shower and think about my previous life.

Even now, I behave like that sometimes. My sitting posture or my way of talking becomes like it used to be but I try and correct myself quickly.

Also, me and Raunak ji recently had an argument. Our first fight.

He was going to office and I was giving him his stuff as he got ready.

"Abhishree?"

I looked at him in a questioning manner.

"Kuch kehna chahti ho?"

(You want to say something?)

I frowned and shook my head.

"Mujhe har waqt aisa kyu lagta hai ki tum kuch kehna chahti ho lekin kehti nhi ho?"

(Why do I feel that you want to say something but you never say?)

I looked down. What could I answer now? I couldn't tell him what was bothering me. I couldn't tell him that this was not the life I wanted. I couldn't tell him that I could never fall in love with him and that I wasn't made for love. 

He cupped my face and I looked into his eyes.

"You know you tell me everything right?"

I smiled slightly and said.

"Aisa kuch nhi hai. Sach mai."

(There is nothing like that. Really.)

He looked at me seriously and said.

"I can see it in your eyes. There is something. Tum mujhe iss layak hi nhi samajhti ki share kr sko toh baat alag hai."

(If you don't think me capable of sharing then it is different.)

He said and started leaving. I held his hand and looked at him.

"Sach mai kuch nhi hai Raunak ji. Hota toh mai aapse nhi chhupati."

(Really it is nothing Raunak ji. I won't have hidden from you.)

"Jooth!"

(Lies!)

He said in a high tone. 

"Nhi batana toh mat batao. Lekin jooth mat bolo."

(Don't tell me if you don't want to. But don't lie.)

He said and left from there.

This was what had happened and now I don't understand what to do.

Hey Bhagwaan! Kaha phassa dia aapne?

I have to pacify him somehow. What if he takes offense of it and-

I have to do something.

That night he came back home later than usual.

He entered in with his tie loosened and looking very tired.

He threw his back on the sofa and went to change without even glancing at me.

He came out and I stood up.

He looked at me and his jaw clenched.

"Why? Why did you wear this saree?"

"Aap naaraz hai mujhse."

(You are mad at me.)

I said going near him. I kept my hands on his chest and started leaning in.

He held my shoulders and looked at me.

"Don't Abhishree! Kya faayda tumhare itna ready hone ka when you can't even share your feelings with me. Tumse shaadi sirf saath sone ke liye nhi ki hai. Tum apni baatein mere saath share kr sko isliye bhi ki hai."

(What is the use of you getting ready for me when you can't even share your feelings with me. I didn't marry you to just sleep with you. I married you so that you can share your feelings with me.)

I didn't know what to say so I hugged him. He didn't stop me this time.

"Mai kaise yakeen dilau aapko ki aisa kuch nhi hai. Mai bas-bas ghar ko miss-miss kr rhi thi."

(How do I make you believe that it is nothing. I just-was missing-my family.)

I said and a few tears leaked my eyes.

He sighed and hugged me close.

"Toh bol deti na. Mai bhi stupid hu. Obviously you would miss them. Kuch din waha ho aao. You'll feel better."

(Then you could have said. I am so stupid. Stay there for some time.)

He kissed my head and some more tears leaked my eyes.

Why? Why do you love me so much? Mai aapse pyaar nhi kr skti Raunak ji. Please don't make me feel guilty.

I felt so guilty that I did the only thing that came to my mind at the moment.

I kissed him. He kissed me back taking lead and took me to bed.

We spent the entire night making love to each other. Or well, he spent the night making love to me and I trying to get myself to love him.

 Raunak's POV

It had been 4 months to our marriage.

Married life is bliss. With a partner you love it is truly amazing.

Two months back Abhishree went to visit her parents and stayed there for a good whole week.

I think she really did miss her parents a lot because after returning she changed a bit.

She had started expressing herself. What she likes, what she doesn't.

Earlier when we used to go out she never expressed what she wanted to do. It was always I who had to decide for both of us. Now, even she suggests and expresses what she wants to do.

She has also started initiating things between us. Earlier, I started any conversation between us and she just replied. Now, she finds topic and starts the conversation.

Her smiles have also started to get genuine. Though I still feel there is something bothering her. Maybe she still has not settled well here. It takes time I know. And I will do my level best to make sure she feels comfortable and loved here.

One thing I have seen her enjoying truly is sports. Whenever we sit down to watch tv, the first thing she does is switch on sports channels.

The excitement and the happiness on her face while watching that is something I could never explain. At that moment she looks so innocent and pure and - herself.

It is as if this is her true self with no lies and compromises. I love to see her like that. Carefree and full of life.

Right now also, we are watching cricket.

"Abbe yaar! Itna important catch chhod dia. Fuck man!"

(No man! Such important catch was missed.)

She said and suddenly looked at me in horror.

I looked at her wide eyed. Did she just-

"I-i-i am sorry. Wo by mistake-"

She started explaining. I burst out laughing at her expressions. She looked so cute.

I tried to control my laughter and look at her. She was looking at me with big eyes. She blinked and looked at me.

"God! Why are you so cute?"

I said pinching her cheeks and she frowned.

"Aap gussa nhi hai?"

(You are not angry?)

"Mai gussa kyu honga. Kitni baar kaha hai tumse ki mere saamne you don't have to be fake. Just be yourself. Tum jaisi bhi ho I'll always love you."

(Why would I be angry. How many times have I told you that in front of me you don't have to be fake. However you are I'll always love you.)

I said kissing her nose and got one of her rarest genuine smiles.
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