"Iske baad wo Manavi and Zainab wala incident and i stopped talking to anyone. Even Arshie. Ghar mai bhi kisi se jyada baat nhi krti thi. I started having signs of depression and anxiety. Raat ko neend nahi aati thi. Darr lgta tha ki agar so gyi toh uth nhi paaungi. Raat raat bhar jagi rehti. Going through his chats again and again. Trying to find a reason ki wo kyu aise sab khatam kr gya. Though we were never in an official relationship but i still felt betrayed. Kisi se baat nhi ki maine 3 mahine tak. Phir ek din Arshie ka mummy ke paas phone aaya. Aur mummy ko nhi bol skti thi ki usse baat nhi krni isliye baat krni padi."
(After that the Maanvi and Zainab incident and i stopped talking to anyone. Even Arshie. Even at home i didn't talk much. I started having signs of depression and anxiety. I couldn't sleep at night. There was a fear that i might not be able to wake up. I used to stay awake whole night. Going through his chats again and again. Trying to find a reason that why he left. Though we were never in an official relationship but i still felt betrayed. I didn't talk to anyone for 3 months. Then one day Arshie called mumma. And i couldn't tell mumma anything so i had to talk to her.)
She looked at him. He was looking at her with a strange emotion. She lowered her eyes and continued.
"She confronted me aur uss waqt mai pehli baar itna roi. I cried for hours. Arshie said ki i should talk to people and let it out. Anyone that i trust. Jo ye baat aur kisi ko na bataye. That i should share things. Let my feelings out. Sabse pehle mere dimag mai Aman chachu aaye. Hum dono chacha-bhatiji kam aur friends ki tarah jyada the. Wo mujhse bas 7 saal hi toh bade the. I texted him. Unhone call kiya and i told him everything about Dhruv. Arshie ko Chahat wali story nhi pta thi."
(She confronted me and that was the first time i cried. I cried for hours. Arshie said i should talk to people and let it out. Anyone that i trust. Who wouldn't tell this to anyone else. That I should share things. Let my feelings out. The name that came in my mind was Aman chachu. We are friends more that uncle and neice. He is just 7 years elder to me. I texted him. I called him and told him everything about Dhruv. Arshie didn't know about Chahat.)
"Aman chachu ne bhi console kiya. Phir i talked to Anushka bhabhi. Uss waqt bhai aur wo date kar rhe the. We were quiet close. She knew about Dhruv. Jab maine unhe ye bataya toh i didn't know ki unhone bhai ko conference par le rkha tha and the moment i heard his voice, i don't know kyu par maine phirse rona shuru kar dia. Unse baat krne ke kuch time baad Pranati ghar aayi thi chhuttiyon mai rehne. Raat ko baith kar series dekh rhe the hum and i was chatting with Arshie. She read the chats and asked me ki Piyush kaun hai."
(Aman chachu also consoled me. Then i talked to Anushka bhabhi. That time bhai and she were dating. We were quiet close. She knew about Dhruv. When i told her i didn't knew she had bhai on conference and the moment i heard his voice, i don't know but i started crying. After some days Pranati came home for holdidays. We were watching series at night and i was chatting with Arshie. She read the chats and asked me wo was Piyush?)
"Piyush? Wasn't it Dhruv?"
(Piyush? Wasn't it Dhruv?)
"Hmm. Piyush Sakshi ka boyfriend tha. I told her ki mai baadme bataungi kyunki Sakshi hamare saamne baithi thi. Then Arshie talked about Dhruv and Pranati ne puchha ki Dhruv se kya related h. She knew about him. Usko bolkar nhi bta skti thi. So i explained her everything over chat. Pura time wo mere side mai baithi thi i was telling her everything over text. Sakshi sone chali gyi and when i looked at Pranati she was crying silently. Sakshi ke jaate hi she hugged me and said ' Itna dur kab ho gye yaar hum ki tune itni badi baat chhupai'.
(Hmm. Piyush was Sakshi's boyfriend. I told her that i would tell her later because Sakshi was sitting in front of us. Then Arshie talked about Dhruv and Pranati asked me about him. She knew who he was. I couldn't say anything. So i explained her everything over chat. Whole time she was sitting beside me and i was telling her everything over text. Sakshi went to sleep and when i looked at her she was crying silently. As soon as Sakshi left she hugged me and said 'When did we drift apart so much that you hid such a thing from me.')
"Uss ek pal mai wo inti mature ho gyi. Apni badi behen ko console kar rhi thi. Mujhe lga ki jis jis ko pta hai about Dhruv unn sabko bta chuki toh ab uska naam sunne nhi milega. Mere khud ke bhai ka naam Dhruv hai. Co-incidence dekh rhe hai."
(In that moment she got so matured. She was consoling her elder sister. I thought that whoever knows about Dhruv now knew this so i wouldn't get to hear his name. My own brother's name is Dhruv. Look at the co-incidence.)
She chuckled harshly and shook her head. She wiped her tears.
"About Piyush. Wo hamare school mai tha. I mean jis school mai main 10th tak thi usme. Sakshi had a huge crush on him. He was a total playboy. Isliye maine usse kabhi uske paas nhi jaane diya aur wo bhi nhi gyi iss darr se ki mujhe na pta chal jaaye. But phir i changed my school, usse toh license mil gya. Mujhe ek saal baad pta chala ki wo dono date kar rhe hai kuch mahino so. Pehle maine usse direct confront kiya toh usne mana kr dia aur bola ki they are just friends. Maine maan liya. I trusted her. After some time i accidentally read her chats with Piyush and guess what they were actually dating. Wo mujhse jhooth bol rhi thi aur chhupa bhi rhi thi."
(About Piyush. He was in our school. I mean the school which i attended till 12th. Sakshi had a huge crush on him. He was a total playboy. That's why i never let Sakshi anywhere near him and she also didn't go due to my fear. But then I changed my school, and she got the lisence. I got to know after an year that they were dating from a few months. First i directly confronted her and she denied and said that they were just friends. I believed. I trusted her. After some time i accidentally read her chats with Piyush and guess what they were actually dating. She lied to me and was hiding this.)
"She got to know ki maine uski chats padhi aur Pranati ko bhi bataya. She confronted me saying that i had no right to read her chats. Hamari thodi argument huyi but i let it go for some time. Phir ek din wo papa ke saath unka kuch kaam karwane gyi thi kyunki mai nhi jaa paa rhi thi. Wapas aaye toh papa bhut gusse mai the aur usse daant rhe the. She was crying. Mumma usse chup karane ki koshish kr rhi thi. But suddenly she started shouting. ' Di hi toh aapki achhi beti hai. Mujshe toh kuch hota hi nhi hai. Har jagah di hi toh sahi hai. Sakshi toh bekar hai, usse toh kuch aata hi nhi.' And god knows kya kya."
(She got to know that i read her chats and told Pranati. She confronted me saying I had no rights to do so. We had some arguments but i let it go for some time. Then one day she went with papa to get some work done because i couldn't go. After returning papa was very angry and was scolding her. She was crying. Mumma was trying to console her. But suddenly she started shouting. 'Di is your good daughter. I couldn't even do anything. Everywhere she is only right. Sakshi is waste, she doesn't know anything.' And god know what.)
She again drank some water.
"I knew ki usse mujhe competition hai mujhse achha hona hai. Par mujhe hamesha lagta tha ki healthy competition hoga. Thodi ladai toh har sibling mai hoti hai. Par uske mann mai mere liye nafrat thi. Aise bol rhi thi jaise she hated me. That was the last straw. Uss din pehli baar main apni family ke saamne roi aur bhut roi. I told everyone about this. Arshie recommended that i should go for therapy. Shuru mai i denied but then socha ki ek br try krti hu. And i booked an online appointment. Unhone trial session call par liya. 3 ghante ka session chala i started to take everything out."
(I knew she had competition with me. But i always thought that it was healthy competition. Some arguments are there between every siblings. But she had so much hatred for me. She was speaking as if she hated me. That was the last straw. That day first time i cried in front of my family. I told everyone about this. Arshie recommended that i should go for therapy. At first i denied but then i thought to give it a try. And i booked an online appointment. They took trial session over call. The session was of 3 hours and i started to take everything out.)
"Bhut relieving tha. Told Arshie, Anu bhabhi, Aman chachu and Pranati about this therapy and the amount of support jo unn logo ne dia. I just can't thank them enough. Sach batau agar ye log nhi hote na i wouldn't have survived. Pranati mujhe hamesha samjhati hai but still i can't help but think. Kya main itni buri hu ki sab mujhe chhod kr chale gye. Aise hi. Ek pal main. Meri khudki behen mujhse nafrat karti thi. Though everything is fine between us now."
(It was very relieving. Told Arshie, Anu bhabhi, Aman chachu and Pranati about this and the amount of support they gave. I just can't thank them enough. Truth be told if they were not there i wouldn't have survived. Pranati always says but still i can't help but think. Am i that bad that everyone left me. Like this only. In a moment. My own sister hated me. Though everything is fine between us now.)
"Aap bataiye. Would you still want to marry me. Agar wo log gye hai toh kisi reason se gye honge na. I think they are right. I am worthless."
(You tell me. Would you still want to marry me. If they left then there must be a reason. I think they are right. I am worthless.)
He cupped her face and wiped her tears. He looked into her eyes and said.
"First aur last time bola hai ye. Dobara mat bolna. Agar unn logo ke jaane ka reason hai. Toh jo log sab janne ke baad bhi tumhare saath hai uska bhi reason hai. Have they ever made you feel worthless? No, right? Toh phir kuch aise logo ke liye kyu ro rhi ho jo clearly tumhe deserve nhi karte the. You didn't lose anyone, they lost you. Unka loss hai."
(This was the first and the last time. Never say it again. If there's for them to leave. Then there's a reason that the rest stayed. Have they ever made you feel worthless? No, right? Then why are you crying for someone who clearly doesn't deserve you. You didn't lose anyone, they lost you. It's their loss.)
She looked at him stunned. This was not what she was expecting.
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