Voices drift in, muffled, distant. He can’t make out words, only tones, urgent. A shadow leans over him, and for a moment he panics. 

He blinks again, harder this time, and the blur sharpens into a face. It’s his mother’s. She looks worried yet somehow relieved.

He tries to speak, but only a broken sound escapes. His lips crack, his throat burns. He was awake. Barely. But he was awake.

Nishtha was conducting her rounds when she saw the father of the new patient she had been allotted.

“Wo…Vishesh ko hosh aa gaya hai.”

(Ummm…Vishesh is awake.)

Nishtha nodded and left everything else, hurrying towards his room. Nishtha entered the room and saw Vishesh awake but still groggy from the effects of the accident and the surgery.

She checked the vitals and then turned to him.

“Mai aapse kuch routine sawaal puchhne wali hu. Kya aap mujhe sun skte hai? Bolne ki koshish mat kriye. Pain ho skta hai. Bas zara si indication dijiye.”

(I am going to ask you some routine questions. Can you hear me? Don’t try to speak. It might hurt. Just give me an indication.)

She asked calmly. Vishesh gave a barely there nod. 

“Kya aap mujhe dekh skte hai?”

(Can you see me?)

He nodded again. His family sighed in a little relief. He could see and hear fine. Nishtha nodded and then went on to ask some more questions.

“Aapko yaad hai aap kaun hai? Aapka naam kya hai aur aap kya karte hai?”

(Do you remember who you are? What is your name and what do you do?)

Everyone waited with bated breath knowing that he could have suffered a potential memory loss. Vishesh nodded.

“Good. Aap inn sabko pehchaante hai?”

(Can you recognize all of them?)

Nishtha asked and pointed towards his parents and wife. All three of them waited for his answer. As soon as he nodded, they released a sigh of immense relief. His mother sobbed in his father’s chest and his wife nearly collapsed due to relief.

His gaze travelled back to the nurse who asked another question.

“Aapko yaad hai aapka accident kaise hua tha?”

(Do you remember who you got into this accident?)

He nodded again and she concluded.

“Memory loss toh nhi lag raha. Baaki doctor hi confirm kr skte hai. Aap log tension mat lijiye. He is awake and will recover soon.”

(It doesn’t seem like a memory loss. Rest the doctor will confirm. You don’t worry. He is awake and will recover soon.)

She said and left the room with a smile. She then went to the doctor and informed him about the patient’s consciousness.

Vishesh heard the door to his room open again and saw the same nurse enter followed by a slightly older doctor.

“Hello Mr. Vishesh. I am your doctor. How are you feeling? Do you feel any extreme pain anywhere in the body?”

He asked and Vishesh nodded. His entire body ached. 

“Would you mind lifting your hand for me? Just a routine checkup to see if your brain is coordinating well with your body.”

Vishesh nodded and lifted his hand. He noticed everyone in the room waiting for him to do it.

“Please lift your hand, Mr. Vishesh.”

The doctor repeated. Vishesh frowned. He had lifted his hand. The doctor’s expressions changed as he realised something.

“Please move your leg. Any limb Mr. Vishesh.”

He did. At least he thought he did. Because there was no movement in his body. Vishesh looked at their expressions with confusion. 

“K-kya baat hai doctor sahab? Ye-ye hil kyu nhi raha hai?”

(W-what is wrong doctor? Why is he-he not moving?)

His father asked and the doctor sighed.

“We need to conduct some tests. I think it is the case of Quadriplegia. Complete paralysis of the body from neck down.”

As soon as the doctor uttered those words, his world collapsed. His mother lost her senses, almost fainting. His wife, too, stumbled back due to shock and disbelief.

The atmosphere in his room was silent and tense after the doctor left. None of them had spoken a word. They were waiting for the test reports to confirm his condition.

Vishesh had never felt more useless in his life. He couldn’t move, couldn’t wipe his parents and his wife’s tears. He could just lay in his bed and wait for the doctor to declare his useless.

Paralyzed from neck down. He couldn’t even look after himself and his basic things, let alone handle someone else. He felt like a burden.

A few hours later, the doctor came in to announce that his doubts were true and that Vishesh was actually paralyzed from neck down.

There was complete silence in the room. Until his father spoke.

“Hum…achhe doctors se consult krenge. Iske aage ke ilaaj ke liye. Aapki nazar mai koi doctor ho jo ye sab dekhta ho toh bhut madad ho jaayegi doctor sahab.”

(We…will consult good doctors. For further treatment. It would be a great help if you suggest some expert.)

He said to the doctor, who nodded.

“Mai jaanta hu kuch physiotherapists ko. His recovery might take a lot of time, but it’s possible with discipline and the right kind of schedule. Par aapko bhut dhyan dena hoga, there are also chances of permanent nerve damage, resulting in him never being able to walk or do anything again.”

(I know some physiotherapists. His recovery might take a lot of time, but it’s possible with discipline and the right kind of schedule. But you will have to be very careful, there are also chances of permanent nerve damage, resulting in him never being able to walk or do anything again.)

Vishesh felt each of his words directly in his heart. He never voiced his feelings. The pain he felt. He saw it in his mother’s eyes, his wife’s eyes, his father’s eyes. The pain. The exhaustion. He was slowly becoming a burden to them.

A week in the hospital and he was ready to be discharged soon. The same nurse, whose name he came to know was Nishtha, entered his room with her ever present, pleasant smile.

But nothing could lift his spirits at the moment. His parents were not in the room. His wife had gone home to get his clothes.

“How are you feeling today?”

The same fucking question everyday she visited him for the first time. This time, he gritted his teeth and spat out in frustration.

“Numb! That’s what I feel! I don’t feel anything. Na hi yaha se hil paa raha hu na apne aap baith paa raha hu. I feel like a child, peeing in bed, wanting someone to change his clothes and bath him. I feel so fucking useless. Isse better toh mai uss accident mai marr jaata.”

(I cannot move from here nor can I sit on my own….It was better if I died in that accident.)

Nishtha looked at him. She had been expecting his outburst anytime. And it was required. She couldn’t even imagine how he must be feeling. She stood beside him as she started changing his bandages slowly with precision.

“I can understand how frustrated you must be. Meri life ki agar koi chhoti si cheez bhi mere control mai nhi hoti toh mai pagal ho jaati hu. You must be feeling like your whole life is slipping through your hands.”

(I go mad if even a small thing in my life doesn’t go according to how I want.)